Update.

Hello! 

So, as of now I’m still in hospital. I was finally given a weight goal and I’m slowly getting there. Few more kilos to go then I can finally get this blasted tube out! Still feeling the same. My parent’s are very worried about how I’m going to go when I get this tube out. So am I…

I feel like a dog. I must follow all of my parents commands and eat. It’s scary, they complain about me fighting them over food but I can’t not do it? If they just left me I would do it. Makes me not want to do it when I’m forced too. I mean it’s hard enough to eat let alone have it forced down my throat. 

It’s so weird. Like why did this happen to me? I didn’t ask for this. Nobody would. And yet I still get people saying I’m the lucky one? For missing out on school and stuff. Yeah I sure am lucky! I love having tubes get put in me just to have them taken out only to them put back in. I’m defective as a human, my brain and stomach no longer function. Ahah. 

Oh well, what are you gonna do? No point in being depressed when I can be happy about how lucky I am… 

I try to keep myself occupied everyday. You know, just searching the internet. I so badly want to be back to ‘normal’. I see things and I just think to myself “What if I never get to do that because I never go back to normal?”.

I missed out on sister’s birthday because I was here in hospital. I’m going to miss out on my friend’s parties and Christmas, then my birthday and the deb next year… The list goes one on what I’ll probably miss out on. 

But there is a probably there. I haven’t lost all hope. I know there’s a chance I might feel better. Let’s hope that happens. 

~ Peachy