Going up.

Guess what! I finally put on some weight. Thank Jesus. I don’t know how long exactly they want the tube in me because they said they just want to fatten me up so that I can have a buffer for when I get sent home and it isn’t critical or anything if I lose weight. So putting on weight is a plus! Of course it’s probably no where near what the doctor’s want me at. But that’s kinda what’s been ticking me off lately. None of the Doctor’s can give me a weight/day that the tube will come out. 

I feel like I’m in limbo. Gonna have this tube in for years. That’s what it feels like at least. Whenever I ask what weight they want me at, the Docs always reply with. “A good weight that we can use as a buffer”. What the hell does that mean? Do they mean like 60kg? 55kg? Like I have no clue. Thus, no clue in when I’m going home. 

My mother made them promise that I would have the tube out before the 29th of September but that still feels too long for me. I can’t do anything with this tube in because I feel so sick and because it blocks my airways. If anyone has had a tube in before hit me up. We’ll share stories. 

I think what’s most concerning for me is that there is just no definitive day that this tube is coming out. Even if I was told I was going to have it in for 3 weeks. But as soon as it hit that 3 week mark it would come out, I would feel a whole lot happier. I feel like I’m working towards nothing. I wish they did a Pej. But they refused to do one. Ahaha doctor’s are dumb. I literally hate them. I know they are just doing their job but still. Make it easier on the slowly wasting away person right? Nup. Bloody trigger her PTSD and tell her to eat with the tube. She’ll be right 😉 

Well that’s about as much as I can update now. Otherwise nothing else is going on. It’s only been a week since I’ve been in hospital but it feels like months. I should know I’ve spend months in hospital. The worst is when they try to make you do stuff. I mean I know looking at the same four walls everyday isn’t good for depression and junk. But I’m in hospital… I physically feel too sick to do things. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Don’t make me go to school because it will “give me something to focus on other then the tube” because all it does is make me feel worse.

Rant over. Ahaha

~ Peachy